Optimism - the happy person

From an article by Med Jones...

The Unhappy Personality

Unhappy people tend to be pessimists: they exaggerate the negative impact of events and propel their thinking into worst-case scenarios. For example:

• They get an invitation to go on a date and then their minds (consciously or subconsciously) start to generate negative thoughts. They may imagine awkward moments, Maybe I won’t look beautiful enough, Maybe I won’t be funny, S/he is not going to like me enough, He is only after sex, She is only after my money, Sex won’t be good, S/he will eventually break my heart
• If someone wrongs them, they'll think S/he hates me, S/he is a bad person and this is a bad relationship.
• If they make a public mistake, their self-image is shattered, their ego is devastated and they can't sleep well for several nights
• When something bad happens, it is not just a bad event, it's a bad day. If they think it’s big enough, then it’s a bad year, or worse a bad life. Some pessimists live with bad events far longer than when the actual event took place. They can't let go of the past: they dwell on their misfortunes and the mistakes of others for ages.
• Some of them are masters of negative chain thinking. For example, if they make a mistake on an assignment, they think they’ll lose their jobs and all they have worked for. Their relationships and eventually their lives are destroyed. They take an exaggerated or dramatic view toward the events in their lives.
• When a good thing happens, pessimists think it’s a fluke.
• Pessimists almost always blame others or external life circumstances for their own failures.
• Most of the time, they find themselves asking a negative "Why?" They ask Why me? Why can’t I have this or that? Why can’t I be this or that?

• Pessimists tend to justify their attitude by negative historical events or past major traumas, but what they don’t realize is that past events are dead and these events only live in their minds

• Their main motto is Life is not fair.

Pessimists tend to be overly sensitive people and they use negativity as a defense mechanism. They tend to keep their expectations low in order to risk fewer disappointments. What they don’t realize is that this thinking pattern, over time and with practice, creeps into other areas of life, which leads to the following critical consequences:

1. Pessimists miss out on promising new work and relationships opportunities due to preconceived negative expectations.
2. Negative expectations of others lead the person to adopt passive, defensive or aggressive behavior, which incites bad will and similar reactions from others, thus falling into the trap of negative self-fulfilling prophecies. That cycle will reinforce their negative expectation of events or people and they will say I knew it. or " I had a feeling it was going to be bad"
3. Pessimists are so focused and preoccupied with a negative experience that their minds filter out the good experiences and their memories store mainly bad events
4. Pessimists become subjected to chronic stress and long periods of depression, anxiety or anger and may develop mental and physical diseases, such as headaches, high blood pressure or low sexual drive.
5. Worst of all, their expectations of most things and events in life become so low that their life for the most part, lacks excitement and joy.

In short, the pessimistic thinking pattern doesn't merely ruin a good time, it causes individuals more stress and exerts a lot of pressure on their personal and work relationships. In other words, it sucks happiness out of their lives and the lives of the people they love.

On the other hand, let's examine the opposite personality type

The Happy Personality

Happy people tend to be optimists: they exaggerate the positive impact of positive events and propel their thinking into best-case scenarios. For example:

• Optimists get an invitation to a date and then their mind starts to generate positive thoughts. They may imagine wonderful moments. They assure themselves that they’ll look and sound their best, that they are going to have a nice meal, that they will have fun and may experience romance and passionate sex.
• If someone wrongs them, the optimists think it is a mistake: The other person does not know better and I have what it takes to be assertive, correct the situation and maybe even win him or her over to my side.
• When optimists make a public mistake, they view it as part of a learning process, they know that no one is perfect and they care less about false images. Their peace of mind is far more important to them than the gossip of people.
• When something good happens, it's a good day; if they think it's big enough, then it’s a good year, or better yet a great life.
• The best of them are masters at positive spin, for example if they make a mistake or fail an assignment, they know they can get themselves a second chance. Even if they lose their jobs, they believe they can find another one with better pay and whatever skills they have learned at their previous job they can use for bettering their new careers.
• When something bad happens optimists think it’s a fluke.
• Most of the time they find themselves asking a positive “How?”. They ask how can I get this? How can I achieve that? How can I be/do this?
• Their main motto is "Life is not fair, but I’m going to make the best of it and learn to be on the winning side."

Optimists tend to have better self-esteem and are more resilient to negative events. They use “positive thinking” as a self-defence and self-motivation mechanism. They tend to raise their expectations in order to get the most out of their experiences and they view disappointments as developmental lessons. Optimists may or may not realize that this thinking pattern influences other areas of their lives, which leads to the following important positive side effects:

1. Because the optimists see life as an adventure, and they tend to seek new experiences, they are willing to try new things and meet new people. That opens a wide range of social, work and pleasurable opportunities for them.
2. Positive expectations of others lead the optimist to behave peacefully, openly, and actively which promotes goodwill and similar reactions from others, thus falling into the positive self-fulfilling prophecy cycle.
3. Optimists move through unfortunate events, but hardly stay with them. They use these events as lessons and move on immediately. Their memories filter out negative experiences and sensations. Optimists become subjected to long terms of happiness and tend to develop strong mental and physical health. Optimists are less likely to suffer from depression, but when they do, depression does not last long. They lead healthy lifestyles and have more fun.
4. Best of all, their expectations of most events in life become high, their lives, for the most part, is filled with excitement and joy.

In short, the optimistic thinking pattern doesn't merely enhance good times; it causes optimists to feel less stressful during life crises and it enriches their personal and work relationships. In other words, it brings happiness into their lives and the lives of the people they love. Is it a wonder that optimists tend to do better in most avenues of life?

Optimists tend to justify their attitude with good luck, but what they may not realize is that their fortune or life events, whether good or bad, are far less important than they think, and that their happiness is a result of their own mindsets and thinking pattern.

Note: I’m not talking here about irrational or blind optimism that leads to high risk behavior and falling into the life traps such as scams, drugs, crime or addictions. Like irrational cases of pessimism, unrealistic optimism leads to personal dysfunction.

The key question is: which group did you identify with the most?

Most people are somewhere in the middle. At different times of their lives, they move between the two ends of the scale, from being mildly to intensely pessimistic or mildly to intensely optimistic. What’s important is that with the knowledge of how your thinking is impacting your life, you now have a new alternative. By simply choosing to lead a happier lifestyle and continuously training your mind to think in positive patterns, you can improve your emotional well-being as well as the quality of your life immensely.

Important Message:
Optimism should not be confused with positive affirmations. Although this paper addresses pessimism and optimism as its main subject, real transformation and happiness is not the result of positive thinking. Positive thinking is the effect not the cause. Positive thinking or affirmations may or may not lead to change and if they do they are limited to temporary mood improvement. Only a change in your lifestyle will lead to a lasting change in your emotional health. The solution I found is to adopt the following transformation system:

• Re-examine your negative conditioning and programming (outlook, attitudes, values, associations, conclusions and belief system)

• Drop limiting values and associations and learn new positive ones

• Build a sustainable personal development system (mental, physical and social)

• Lead a new lifestyle to enforce your learning and the transformation of your personality and your life

It's not as difficult as it sounds: it only takes time and practice. You can change. I did.